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The Movie Hole

Upcoming Movie Ratings - Good & Bad

JJ Mortimer

When I'm looking forward to a movie, especially a war film or a true "horror" film, I also look forward to the R-rating.  Many people will argue that today's version of a PG-13 really "pushes the boundaries" and can be very similar to an R-rating. 

Bullshit hogwash.  The R-rating is far greater, and you can't pass a PG-13 off as a worthy alternative.  I still remember back in 1997 and seeing the preview for Starship Troopers, hoping that it would be an R-rated war-fest.  When the first television preview came on about three weeks before its theatrical release, finally stating that it was "Rated R", I lost my shit.  I was so happy that we would get a no-holds-barred version of a sci-fi battle movie, an outcome that would have been utter watered-down pussy shit had it been PG-13.

This week, two movies I was actually looking forward to (for different reasons) received their official ratings from the MPAA.

The first, the one that got me VERY excited, was an R-rating for the David Ayer-directed WWII tank film Fury, starring Brad Pitt.  I really did not want to see another war film pissed on by the limitations of a teenage-friendly rating.  I want realistic violence, true-to-life profanity usage, and perhaps a pair of titties.  That's it.  This was already one of the three movies I was looking forward to later this year, and now my adherence to that is solidified by a single letter:  R.

I think the barrel of the tank was supposed to say "Fuck Yeah", but the MPAA would have objected to allowing THAT to be the title of the film. 

I think the barrel of the tank was supposed to say "Fuck Yeah", but the MPAA would have objected to allowing THAT to be the title of the film. 

On the OTHER HAND, the other movie that was raped by a PG-13 is for the movie with the poster I made a shit-ton of fun about, Dracula Untold... 

The Dark Dracula-man Rises.

The Dark Dracula-man Rises.

...because nothing says "awesome vampire flick" like a movie about vampires that can show very little blood.  Twilight already proved that vampires are bitches when hampered by a PG-13, and this film just got flung deeper into the diaper filled with movies covered in green shit.  Seriously, after seeing the trailer, I was a little interesting in giving this thing a shot.  Now, I give about as much a fuck as would cutting a homeless man's toenails.