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Here's where you'll find things that annoy me and things that I feel like ranting about.

Assholes of the Week: Food Complainers

JJ Mortimer

The comic above is meant to be a mood setter.  I understand it has nothing to do with the topic with which I advertised this rant for, but I also want you to understand that my anger is not violent OR unintentional.  I INTEND on sounding as pissed off as I sound through type/text, only because without subjects that piss me off, there would be a very limited amount of things that entertain me throughout my day (let alone my past working in customer service).  So, without further adoo-doo:

Fucking people who complain about cheap food at restaurants!

Here's the thing:  If you're at a high-end sea food restaurant, say, a mystical place called the Sea Unicorn in which a typical plate costs upwards of $50 a shot, then you have the absolute RIGHT to get your order RIGHT. 

"The unicorn steak is just a tad too medium.  Could I get it more on the well side?"  Of course you can.  Fancy restaurants expect that limit of perfection, as long as you aren't too nit-picky.  What I'm complaining about are the assholes who order a fucking McOnion at, say, a Johnson's Sausage Factory and complain about the fucking onions being on the onion burger.

People through-and-through in most of the restaurants in cities I've been to are entitled, penny-pinching cock-masters who want everything to be fuckin' perfect, when clearly they're paying for food that requires quotation marks around their names because legally they can't be called "eggs" or "meat" (because 40% of it isn't that).

What I'm saying is, if you go to a McRestaurant or a Jack-in-your-Face, and you get onions on your burger when you didn't ask for them, keep your gawdamn mouth shut and drive home.  Use your greasy, snot-covered fingers and pick the onions off yourself.  Shit, I would even understand if you mailed the onions back to the restaurant in a manila envelope with a note saying, "I wish to tell you fuckers that you got my order wrong, but I didn't want to make a scene in a public place or hold up any other hungry patrons who are also hurting for cash, because I don't want to come across as a person who is better than the establishment which I was ordering the food from in the first place, but would also like you to know that quality should be upheld to a certain degree."  THAT would be understandable AND hilarious in context, and probably make a better statement to the restaurant's quality control than being an entitled prick who demands a perfect fuckin' steak at Sizzlers.

Again, the point I'm trying to make here is that YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.  If you're paying for $10 meals, you're getting $10 quality with a voice of complaint worth about .25 cents.  In other words, be polite to the minimum wage workers, and just hope that the next time you get your order it's better than the one you are currently eating.  Move those unwanted pickles to the side with your fork if you have to.  If you act like you're rich and you're eating at TGI Friday's, you have less of a right to open your fucking mouth.

Seriously, I've just hit about three different themes, and each one of them is making me more and more pissed-the-fuck-off!  In summary:

1)  If you order a unicorn steak, it should probably be perfect.

2) If you are eating an .89 cent burger at McDickhead's and you don't like it, throw it away.

2a)  If you are poor, you will like it anyway, especially the extra toppings.  It's more food.

3)  If you act rich at a lower-end restaurant, you look like MORE of a cock gobbler if you "demand" the "chef" gets the color of the "steak" correct.

If you need more of an incentive to keep your fucking mouth shut, watch the film "Waiting..." and you'll think twice about complaining.  Fucking assholes.